Browse Professor Quotes

While describing l'Hopital's rule, Its almost indestructable...which accounts for its popularity!
—Prof. Norbert Reidel, Calc 116
There was social mobility within the middle class. For example, a shopkeepers son could marry a bureaucrats son...
—Professor Morrison, History of Modern Germany slip of the tounge talking about the german middle class.
Folks would have been slobbering one another up from the beginning to end of service.
—Professor Williams, CLAS 220-01, on the religious Christian kiss in the first centuries
I had many, many dates - some that lasted all weekend.
—Dr. Cunningham, PSYC 331-01
I don't know why I did that. I'm on drugs . . . medication! -
—Dr. Brady Classics 324, the Historical Jesus
Yes, you will be writing words on the exam.
—Dr. Corey, PSYC 212, Experimental Design and Quanitative Methods
Now look at her hat- it looks like one of those wierd condoms- like those furry ones.
—Prof Plante, ARHS 391- Early 20th Century Modernism
Oh urination can bring so many comedic aspects into a scene. Shakesphere did it too. Does anyone remember a famous pee scene from Hamlet?
—Prof. Mason in Theatre 210 on pee in theater
She ain't kickin' boot.
—Professor Williams, CLAS 220-01, disucssing young maidens versus virgins
People didn't get money for working, they got dildos.
—Professor Taras, Russian Politics
I'm not sure how it would work out for a group this size, but several students have asked me about arranging a visit to a crackhouse here in the city. Can I have a show of hands so I know who would be interested in such a trip?
—Reginald Parquet, SOWK 222: Drug Use: University and Inner City
Holy cow - a pigeon trying to get some consciousness.
—Dr. Schippers, WMST 399, when a pigeon flew onto the window sill
So basically the consensus is that sex should take place in some sort of relationship and not just as a random act of kindness.
—Prof Varela, Psyc 365, Family Psych on attitudes towards sex
I would like to watch people get pregnant in my class.
—E. Poe, French 481
Even SAE's, KA's and Kappa Kappa Gamma's have venereal diseases, as well as some faculty and honor's students.
—Dr. Bennet Cell 210 Human Reproduction; lecture on STD's
Business is like sex; you gotta know when to say no!
—Professor Pulitzer, GMGT 410, Entreprenuerial Management
That's the purpose of coming to Tulane, to learn to bullshit
—Professor Edmundson, Business Ethics
In response to a student's question about emailing his final paper, Email attachments are like unsafe sex...the more you open the more likely you are to get viruses.
—Professor Bankston, Soc 633: Sociology of Education
My mother tells me that I used to draw on the wall with my own feces. Apparently I was quite the artist.
—Professor Christenson, Psych 100, on Freudian anal conflict
Kenny G's soul is barren
—Professor Joyce: History of Jazz
Hotard...that sounds like a retarded hoe!
—An anonymous professor commenting on a student's last name
I don't like the shag on that dog.
—Beau Parent on what investors should have said about .com stocks.
Since you are wearing a Milwaukee's Best T-shirt, I will call on you first because you are obviously a woman of high class.
—Professor Fotenot, US Histoy: War and National Policy II
I like my coffee like I like my women- bitter and murky.
—Bruce Fleury, EBIO101
Does anyone have any experience with dumping? - Professor Taylor, ECON101
—discussing dumping in economics
I don't believe in reincarnation. But if I did, I wouldn't want to come back as a sperm.
—Prof. Christenson, Psych. 316 Animal Behavior; on the dangers gametes face during sexual reproduction
Kinky can be good.
—Prof Malueg - Econ 101, as a side note (with a big grin on his face)
I'm not so much wearing dresses these days... I'm back in mens' clothing.
—Professor Scott Bernhard, Intro. to Architecture
...Either I'm having an orgasm, or my phone is vibrating.
—Professor Maurer, Sociology-Deviant Behavior, interuppting his own lecture to answer his cell phone that was in his pocket
Hey, tyrants kill people too.
—Dr. Lavin, Political Thought in the West
You know when you get married and they say man and wife, and suddenly it's true, you're married? I love that idea, I wish I could just going around saying things to make them be true.
—Prof. McCallFrench Feminisms
They actually used up all the elephants in North America
—Professor Ellen Weiss, History of Architecture, said while describing the animals that the Romans used for entertainment in the Coliseum.
So, if a 'pair of balls' is two balls, then does that Lance Armstrong guy have 'a pair of ball?'
—Professor Boudreaux, ENGL-101
Neurotransmitters work like keys in locks. You guys know what keys are right?
—Professor Wee, Diversity in Behavior
...and when I graph this function on the calculator, it gives me pleasure
—Professer Wentzell, Calc I
Yeah, we lost the war on drugs. We're all on Prozac now anyways.
—Professor Maveety, POLA 427, Constitutional Law.
Cadillac was a man that in today's terms would be called ghetto fabulous.
—Kevin Fontenot, HISU 348 Louisiana History
...and he was my MOST prized student. He'll be up for parole any day now, and we expect him to do great this time.
—Professor Gaus, in explaining how some of his students really take the material about fixing elections to heart.
Rollerball, which is made by Uniball... which sounds rather unfortunate.
—Prof. Scott Bernhard, HSTA 111: Intro. to Architecture, on what writing instruments are best to use when sketching
Therefore, 2 equals 1 and I am the pope.
—Professor Reidel, math 121; calculus
I don't care about you... I have Tenure! -
—Professor Steven Jacobs, 2nd year Architecture Studio
Penetration! Penetration! Penetration! It's all about Penetration!
—Professor Wu,Marketing Management 382-06
Cyclopropane is kind of like putting a rich person in a room full of poor people; something's going to happen.
—Dr. EnsleyOrganic Chemistry
Well, don't you always know who the bad drug dealers are on Miami Vice? They don't look like Don Johnson!
—Prof. Buzz Podewell, Theatre 471: History of Theatre I
See, call me crazy, but I have this idea. If you register for the selective service draft, boys, you should get something on y'alls drivers licenses that lets you buy drinks. Cause if you're old enough to get shot at you should be old enough to be drunk when you get shot at. Now ladies, y'all wouldn't have this on your liceneses, but it wouldn't matter, since y'all never buy your own damn drinks anyway.
—Professor Fontenot, War and National Policy 1898-Recent Past, regarding the requirement of men above the age of 18 to register for the draft.
The grades on your midterms were not so good, but I don't care because I'm on this side of the desk . . . and I'm an asshole.
—Professor Manfred Dix, Intermediate Microeconomics 301
This system was invented by Mr. Pauling, who is dead now, but many many years ago, he was alive.
—Prof. Pernilla Wittung-Stafshede (talking about the Pauling Electronegitivity Scale)
The closest I've come to studying primitive cultures is chasing teenage boys around Patterson Park in East Baltimore.
—Professor Conrad, SOCI 644: Language, Behavior, and Communication
You cannot go into Rite-Aid and buy marijuana. No, you cannot go in and ask for a little joint. If you could, you would.
—Prof. Dix, ECON 301, Intermediate Microecon
Probability of zero... doesn't mean impossible, it just means unlikely.
—Professor Riedel, Calculus 3
...actually 'Starsky and Hutch' had more to do with the end of the Cold War than any politician...
—Professor Conrad, Sociology 101
Take your clothes off! Wait, English is not my first language.
—Professor Soliman. Managerial Accounting
And then they lived quasi-happily ever after considering one of them was dead.
—Professor Barbara Kellum, in an Art History of Pompeii class
Next time you're in a bar, order a whiskey for yourself and a water for your horse, then, they'll think you have a horse outside.
—Professor Boudreaux, ENGL-101
Mama Flowers didn't raise no fool.
—Professor Flowers, EENS-207: Weather & Climate, reacting to people who stayed for Hurricane Katrina
Don't ever try to skin a squirrel west of the rocky mountains. They carry the bubonic plague.
—Professor Carroll, Italian 101, apropos to nothing.
If you think I'm being too hard, go to http://www.godhatessweden.com..It may make you feel better
—Professor Peter Olofsson, Math 111: Probability and Statistics
you can stick a sponge through a cheesecloth and after about a week in saltwater it will reform to a fully functioning organism...try that with a kitten!
—Professor Fleury, EEOB 101, Diversity of Life
Some woman thought this shirt had marijuana leaves on it but it's something boring like barley. I'm a real wheathead.
—Professor Earnest, on his Jimmy Buffet-esque shirt
I remember watching a James Bond film and necking the whole time.

—Dr. Balides, COMM 486, Film Theory
It's that age when you are learning that what you do today affects you toorrow. Most of you guys are figuring this out at the local bars!
—Professor Conrad: Deviant Behavior
So for next time you should have read 'A Hard Man is Good to Find.'
—Professor Bisson of the English Dept. telling her students to read Flannery O'Connor's "A Good Man is Hard to Find."
You have the chart, help yourself.
- LATN 102 Prof. Zatta
—during translations
The far left is more concerned with the welfare program and is ready and willing to give up electrons.
—Professor Sulkes Chem 108 mixing politics and electronegativity of the periodc table
Baby birds are the popcorn of the world.
—Professor Holliday, Human Adaption and Variability
If the parasite is spread by boinking, then it benefits the parasite to keep you alive. If you're dead, there's no boinking.
—Professor Heins, Evolution of Human Health and Disease, regarding syphilis
These are not pumpkins. You should recognize ventricles by now.
—Dr. Colombo, PSYC 651, on an image of brain slices
Has anyone seen dogs copulating? It's really quite interesting
—Dr. Christenson
Can you decline?
LATN 102 Prof. Zatta
—to the cockroach strolling around the classroom.
Polk is an example of a good president; He served his four year term, went home, and died.
—Professor Fontenot, HISU 353 War and National Policy 1689-1898
. . . let's step away from 'Q' and just ponder it for a bit. . .
—Chemistry, Prof. Brent Koplitz about his favorite letter
When did you start dropping eggs? 14?
—Dr. Dotson to all the females in the room, CELL 205:Genetics
When I was at Berkeley in the 60's and 70's...
—Professor Christenson PSCY-100 during a discussion of psycoactive drugs.
If you go through a black hole, well, I don't recommend that as a thing to try to do...
—Professor Purrington, Astronomy 100, on taking risks.
The reason that men don't confuse love with sex, and women do, is because of masturbation. That's M-A-S-T-U-R-B-A-T-I-O-N. Women don't do this as often as men. To prove this, let's take a poll. How many women in here masturbate often? Ok, none. You see, when men do this, they aren't looking for love, just sexual gratification. Unless they are really strange.
—Professor O'Neal, Psych 343, explaining how men are superior to women in discerning love and sex.
Necrophilia is not OK
—Dr. Bisson
Sometimes I go back to my office after class, and I say god, did I really just say that?
—Prof. Gregory, Mythology 304
I'm afraid to talk about modern times for fear that what I say will end up on the internet -- especially if it's about sex!
—Kathryn Pratt, on her quotes ending up on The Daily Jolt
Stroke the sea-cucumber 'till it melts in your hand.
—Professor Fleury, EEOB 101: Diversity of Life
...it's obviously immoral because it's supported by the French.
—Professor Simonelli-History of the British Empire- HISE 334- on why the British were able to deam prove the immorality of slavery
Prof: If every time a murderer shot at someone the bullet turned into a, a... a fish, or something else that wouldn't hurt-

Student: A fish at 400 mph would hurt!

Prof: Depends on what kind of fish.
—Professor Pavolich, Philosophy 101
Come on guys, this isn't rocket science...it's sociology
—Professor Maurer, Intro to Sociology: 101
Today, we will discuss whether or not criminals are, in fact,'insane in the membrane'
—Prof. Brezina, SOCI 230 Criminology
So this tanget on the function, imagine this dude is skiing up this hill like he had some brownie acid.
—Professor Durta, Calculus 115
Don't mess with a Philosophy Professor. We fight back.
—Prof. Bower, Ethics, discussing utilitarianism.
There must be a typo there.
—When reading a sentence a student had written on the board. Prof. Zatta LATN 102
Just please don't be afraid of us because of our radical feminist ways. You'll learn ALL about it.
—Professor Adams, Sociology of Marriage.
Red Light! Stop Right There!
—When a Student was translating incorrectly. Prof. Zatta LATN 102
Go over to Bruff Commons, get a glass with some water, and put a whole lot of sugar in it and mix. Prof. Schmehl Chem 108 Gen. Chem II
—Discussing solutions. (proving that even the professors engage in a little bruff craziness) sometimes.
We talk about a lot of really sexy things in here. Who says political science can't be sexy!?
—Professor Lou, After talking about the war.
Who cares? This is ridiculous and boring.
Prof. Schmehl Chem 108 Gen. Chem II
—While discussing uses for vapor pressures.
Remember your first beer? It was good right? - Professor Fleury EBIO 203 History of Life
—Talking about feedback loops.
How many of you have read Chapter 13? Well neither have I. Prof. Schmehl, Chem 108, Gen. Chem II
—When beginning his first lecture of Laginappe.
If you didn't have any understanding of abstractions, you wouldn't be in this class--you'd either be homeless or in some kind of institution.
—Dr. Lee, PHIL 121, Symbolic Logic, concerning abstract reasoning skills
I mean, they don't jump up and go win a nobel prize.
—Dr. Dohanich, NSCI 710, describing activity in catatonic patients treated with antipsychotics
When I went to grad school at Berkeley, there was a guy who used to walk around campus naked. We called him the naked guy. It was a Berkeley thing.
—Dr. Colombo, PSYC 651
Drugs like valium aren't good for trying to kill yourself.
—Dr. Dohanich, NSCI 710
Now, I can ask you which is better: Bruff or sushi. If you said Bruff, you have a hippocampal lesion.
—Dr. Colombo, PSYC 651, describing transitive inference reasoning
This isn't say no to coffee, it's say no to Starbucks. I know there are users out there.
—Dr. Dohanich, NSCI 710, on the effects of caffeine on the body
If you eat two cigarettes, I think it's a lethal dose.
—Dr. Dohanich, NSCI 710, on the poisons of nicotine

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